JACLYN SPIEZIA
Staff Scallywag
Tide Pods, otherwise known as the forbidden fruit, have become a popular food choice amongst rebellious teens, unattended babies and the elderly.
When other companies such as Gain and Downy found out that Tide Pods were being eaten, they immediately decided to introduce new products to support the fad. Now new flavors are being offered, including peppermint, strawberry banana, bacon and a special favorite, salmon. Vegans are now pushing for a tofu flavor.
Although some doctors are concerned for the adverse health effects that come from eating detergent, new users do not seem to care. “It’s 2018 now. Doctors can cure anything.”
Another user said, “It’s so much better than eating real food.” (This user was also hooked on the hand sanitizer fad a few years back).
Here at The Scallion, we cannot help but wonder, why detergent pods? What are the benefits? We decided to ask users if there was a high they get from it.
We asked an elderly woman who lives
in the nursing home on Temple Street. Her response, “At this age, I’m always high,” she laughed. “I guess I just do it because it’s so nice and squishy in my mouth, and all I get fed here at the nursing home is apple sauce.”
We also decided to interview the mother of a four-month-old who has eaten Tide Pods. “I was taking a nice bath when I heard my baby choking over the baby monitor. I had left her with some Tide Pods to play with. She had three stuffed in her mouth when I ran out to check on her. I let her eat one and she started crying for more.”
As of right now, although Gain and Downy have been trying to get their detergent pods selling, it still seems that Tide is in the lead, but other companies are still making new flavors. We asked Gain how they feel about the increased production of these new controversial flavored products. Gain’s response: “Whatever sells best is good for us!”
After checking all of the appropriate sources (except for those scamming doctors), we encourage you all to jump on the bandwagon. My personal favorite flavor is cheesy pizza.