PATRICK BENNETT
Staff Scallywag
The past couple of months have been a psychological rollercoaster for fans of the Kardashian dynasty. Rumors were finally rendered truth as Kylie Jenner gave birth to the newest addition to the family, Stormi Webster. Luckily for longtime Kardashian followers, Stormi has already received her own TV show on the E! Network called “Stormi’s Way.”
“Stormi’s Way” is a fresh new look at the Kardashian’s family dynamic. Fans will be able to get an inside look at how often Stormi throws temper-tantrums, demands breast milk from her wet nurse and tries on the newest lip kits from her mother. Executive producers Ryan Seacrest and Jonathan Murray had lots to say about the new program.
“I’m really excited to see a fresh baby from a fresh uterus do fresh things in this political climate. I mean, this is Trump’s America. My god! There was a void in my heart before this baby was born, but now it’s filled. Stormi, baby, welcome to the family,” Seacrest said, between sips of an alarmingly green iced tea.
Stormi has already become iconic on social media platforms, accumulating over one million followers on both Twitter and Instagram. Stormi’s first selfie, captioned, “I’m finally born, y’all thought I was playin’” received rave reviews from such blockbuster superstars as Dwayne Johnson and Daniel Day Lewis.
“When I saw Stormi in those shades, just posing, I thought to myself, ‘wow, this is brilliant material. This kid is bound to be a star,’ and sure enough she landed her own television show. I’m excited to watch ‘Stormi’s Way’ this Sunday on E! Network,” Johnson said, holding a dead gaze into the camera while obviously shilling for the E! Network.
Since the pilot episode was leaked on LiveLeak (weeks before its official premiere), many self-proclaimed television reviewers have spoken their thoughts on the first episode. Many said positive things, while others were more critical. Fredonia baby activist and ripped jeans collector, Celeste Mahoney, had some choice words about the pilot.
“When I watch a Kardashian show, I want drama. I want Kim crying over clothing lines, I want Kourtney kicking Lord Disick’s dumbass to the curb, hell, I’ll even take Kris Jenner making business deals. This show has none of that. It’s basically Stormi demanding milk from her wet nurse who happens to be Kim’s good friend Jonathan Cheban. What a joke!” Mahoney said.
“Stormi’s Way” is set to finally premiere on the E! Network this Sunday at 11 p.m. EST. Rumor has it that if you don’t tune in to the show’s premiere, Kris Jenner will show up to your doorstep and make your life a living hell.
