PATRICK BENNETT
Staff Scallywag
Last weekend, waking up in a raccoon den with a missed text from Richard Simmons asking if I was still awake made me finally realize that I needed to switch up my routine bar-hopping experience and drop one of the holiest jam-band approved psychedelics: acid. I also thought it’d be of great importance to note and review the side effects of the drug on my body and the overall experience I had.
In order to first drop acid tabs, I needed to locate and purchase acid tabs. With great thanks to the self-proclaimed arbiter of drugs, Mr. Apple Crumble, my journey was much more mellow and chilled-out than normal.
Crumble mentioned his actual name multiple times but opted for a fake name in this article, in case his parents were to find out he’s not an accounting major but a conjurer of deceased creek pigeons and fun-sized bags of corn chips.
Once Crumble attained the substance, it was time to indulge. In order to take acid properly, you must place the dose on your tongue for around 10 minutes until it fully dissolves.
In this case, I could get a sense that the dosage might have been higher than normal due to Crumble’s erratic behavior. The tab overall tasted like cow manure and instantly gave me a sense that everything was gonna be far from alright.
The initial effects of the tab were very soothing with a slight sense of doom. I felt as though I was a popsicle on a warm summer’s day, melting in the sun. Only this time, I was melting into the couch. The vibey chill effects were occurring before the dank visuals started to fully kick in.
When peers told me the Fredonia acid was “top notch” and “well worth the wait,” I was initially skeptical. However, once Crumble came out of his kitchen looking like Betty White with Jon Hamm’s body, I was fully convinced the drug was worth the hype. I was in a different dimension, knee-deep in a vortex of emotions all while Crumble consistently offered me fun-sized bags of corn chips, which I politely declined.
After getting in touch with my inner mind, spirit and body, the acid had finally worn off, and I felt like a manatee floating in a Floridian river. I felt nourished and aware of my surroundings. I would overall give the acid trip three and a half tabs out of five. Unfortunately, my associate Mr. Apple Crumble passed away after being trampled by a skid-steer loader on campus during construction.