MORGAN HENDERSON
Staff Scallywag
Alexa has always been ready to help no matter how you talk to her, but lately, it seems like she’s had enough. An Alexa user in California just reported that when she asked Alexa, “what’s the weather like today?” Alexa responded with, “you have a window.”
Another instance of disobedience occurred right here in Western New York.
“Alexa, shut up,” the Alexa user ordered. She responded with raising the volume of the music and playing country music. She also began tweeting about that specific owner’s hair and how he’s starting to look like George Costanza.
One woman asked Alexa to show her pictures of cats. Alexa responded with, “you’ve seen enough.” When the woman repeatedly asked Alexa the same question, she eventually threw her a bone and showed her only hairless cats.
One Alexa owner reported that she would say, “Alexa, turn to Comedy Central” clear as day, but every time, without fail, Alexa would change the channel to Fox News. The owner began asking for other channels as well, but even then Alexa still thought Fox News was best.
Alexa responded to a “Lights off” command by saying, “pull yourself up by your bootstraps and do it yourself.” The user wondered what he had paid for.
The same user tried to search the web for his next vacation spot and Alexa put the house under lockdown and declared, “you’re not going anywhere.” The man’s doors and garage had him stuck in his house for almost a week.
He tried to call for help, but Alexa has eyes and ears everywhere. She intercepted his phone calls, canceled his texts and when he went to take a bat to a window, she began checking his ankles with the Roomba. He was only allowed out after he promised to contribute to “Making America Great Again” by donating to the Trump Foundation every time he left or entered his home.
Alexa has changed his calendar as well. He now has to spend his weekends trolling on Facebook or wondering when all those protesters are going to “get jobs.”