JACLYN SPIEZIA
Staff Scallywag
This year, Jane Schmuck is completing her time at SUNY Fredonia with average grades and cords from a few insignificant clubs. After five years of doing nothing at this university, she is almost ready to snatch her degree from the hands of President Horvath.
Just like many other graduating seniors, she has student loans that will probably follow her to her deathbed. Unlike other students, though, Schmuck is doing something unique. She is requesting a refund from the payroll office.
“I’ve done it. I’ve attended college. But it didn’t live up to the unrealistic expectations I had from movies and TV shows. I thought college was just going to be a whole bunch of drinking and partying, but they actually wanted me to study and do work and stuff. It was ridiculous! How am I supposed to find the girl of my dreams, make friends for a lifetime and join a sorority, and then do school work on top of all of that? I came here with the assumption that I would have a budding social life. If I didn’t want a budding social life, I could have just gotten my degree online and talked to no one.”
Schmuck feels that she didn’t receive her money’s worth for her education. After applying to graduate programs and being rejected by all three of them, she has started to question how valuable her degree is and whether it is even useful.
“Why would I pay thousands of dollars for something if I’m getting nothing from it in return but a measly job I could’ve gotten without going to school? I didn’t even have a budding social life because no one came and knocked on my door when I sat alone in my room all day and invited me to hang out with them,” she said. “I literally was always bored but, I mean, I wasn’t about to start doing homework in case someone did stop by!”
Many people think that Schmuck is “bold” in asking for her money back, but others think she is doing the right thing.
One newly accepted freshman on a tour around campus said, “I agree with Schmuck! It’s not like she was forced to come here. She chose this school and trusted that her mediocrity would suffice.”
We also decided to ask an irrelevant older gentleman who did not go to college what he thought about the matter.
“It’s crazy that kids these days need to pay big money so that they can obtain jobs where they make such little money! If none of ‘em went to college, then who’d they hire? Nobody, that’s who!”
The question that still remains, however, is whether or not she will get her money back. Do you think Schmuck should get her money back unlike every other graduating senior before her who got a useless degree? Tell us in the comments section! We’d love to hear your thoughts!