MORGAN HENDERSON
Staff Scallywag
Chad Ball sits alone in the back corner of the library. Every day. Hands running through his frizzy curls with a look of frustration on his face.
His troubles don’t end in the library, though. Right now he’s in the middle of a three-day-long argument with his Runescape girlfriend.
“She’s mad I can’t pay for her membership right now,” Ball said.
His girlfriend, Lo0oveKitty22, said, “Every other Runescape girlfriend doesn’t have to pay for their membership.”
“She tells me to get a job all the time, but, like, is being the best Runescape player of all time not a job?” Ball asked.
He also can’t find a way to focus while a professor who cannot be named still works at SUNY Fredonia.
“He’s just so ugly it keeps me up at night,” Ball said. “If he would just pluck the unibrow, I might be able to stop thinking about him and stop failing calculus every semester,” he continued.
On top of his online girlfriend being mad at him and Professor Unibrow existing, he ruined his brand-new used couch. Ball reportedly stepped on a Lego and knocked his hookah over and into the couch. The coals burned three holes right through the brand-new used couch.
“Now if my online girlfriend ever comes to visit, she’s not going to be impressed,” Ball said.
The biggest issue for Ball right now is his group project. None of his group members will answer his messages.
“I’m never going to get this project done if they don’t start answering me,” Ball said.
Group member Alyssa Snow said, “I would rather do more work than talk to him and I think the rest of us would agree.”
Next time you see him in the library tearing up a little, before you point and laugh, remember that even his group project members are ghosting him.