TRAVIS LEFEVRE
Seasoned Scallion
The crowd filled up the Steele Hall Fieldhouse with a line going back to the edge of campus — wait, that was just Tim Hortons. The line was long, is the point here. However, they weren’t here for Kid Ink.
In a last minute turn of events that one would describe as “totally lit,” Spectrum Entertainment pulled the rug out from under everyone’s feet in the best way possible.
“We really wanted to put this year’s spring concert in the Fredonia history books by booking a high profile talent,” said Rebecca Lane, president of Spectrum. “While we originally settled on Kid Ink, I was then shown a video of this kid making the most beautiful yodels I’ve ever heard in my life. I had to have him on that stage.”
As such, Spectrum made it so by pushing Kid Ink to the opening act for Mason Ramsey, better known as the Yodeling Walmart Boy.
As Ramsey took to the stage, the crowd erupted in applause as his ten-gallon hat glowed, complimenting his pale, sheep wool colored skin.
“It was the most moving thing I have ever heard in my life,” said one concertgoer. “It was a humbling experience, watching him yodel his little heart out.”
There was some initial controversy surrounding this change in the agenda, with some assuming that Kid Ink would not be too happy about him being moved from the main event to the opener. In an exclusive interview with The Scallion, all preconceived notions were shattered.
“At first I wasn’t really okay with it, but man, when I found out who I’d be opening for, it was like a light opened up inside me,” said Kid Ink, holding back tears. “This kid is an inspiration. He’s following his dreams; he made a name for himself when all he had was a studio in a damn Walmart, I wish I had that ambition.”
“It was really boring,” said Ramsey. “Like, yeah, yodeling is fun, but that’s not what I want to be known for my entire life. I want to be an interpretive dancer.”
There is no word yet on how Ramsey’s ambitions as an interpretive dance have been going. Rest assured, The Scallion has reporters in every Walmart in America, waiting for Ramsey to dance like nobody’s watching.
Jesseca