BEATRICE BEEBODY
Guest Scallywag
Okay so, we all know that classes have started and that means all kinds of sorrow associated with, ya know, being back at school. Despite the existential dread having already started to settle in, there is something about this year that makes it exponentially worse.
This year’s incoming freshman class is the largest one that the school has ever seen. I know that we said it last year, too, but it’s happening again. Friggin’ yikes.
That means that the lines at Starbucks and Tim’s will be waaaaay longer, the tiny lost humans will stop you on your way to class and ask for help even though you’re running on no sleep and no coffee and, perhaps the worst one, there will be even less parking on campus.
Now I know by this point you might be genuinely considering dropping out, but I’m here to shed some light on your miserable existence. While the first two points will remain true throughout the year, our parking prayers have at least been answered.
That’s right, my fellow melancholy friends. Fredonia is adding a parking garage to campus.
Those of us that have been here over the last couple of years have definitely noticed the hollow building looming in the middle of campus. Like a sad little husk, resembling our own selves, the building that has essentially been useless for at least a year is being put to good use.
After severely decreasing the hours in the cafes and cutting back on the campus bus system, the administration figured they would do the students a solid by turning Houghton Hall into a parking garage.
“It wasn’t the original plan but once we got all of the asbestos out of the building and essentially tore down the exterior of what was previously Houghton Hall, we saw the potential,” said Carl Parker, head of the construction committee. “The building looked like a parking garage and we thought ‘hey, why not.’”
The construction committee was implemented in the spring of last year, because the project was going to be such a massive task to take on.
While the university has not released an official statement regarding the decision to turn Houghton into a parking garage, many students have begun to speculate and are increasingly excited about the new addition to campus.
“I’m so excited if that’s actually what’s happening. I come to class like three hours in advance every morning just to get a parking spot near Fenton. People just lurk around looking for parking spots and if two people see one at the same time, it’s basically a parking lot battle royale,” said Kia Carens, a senior English major.
“It would be, like, hella rad if they added more parking. It sucks when I have to park really far away. I’m always late for class,” said Steven Sorrento, a junior music performance major. “I mean, I go to Tim’s every morning which might be a part of that but I need my Tim’s man. It’s not my fault there are so many freshmen. It’s really cramping my routine.”
The university has yet to decide whether the parking garage will be upperclassmen only but it is tentatively scheduled to open at the beginning of the Spring 2019 semester.
Until then, good luck finding a place to park anywhere that isn’t 85 years away from your classes. Happy hunting!
Khris