COOPER LINCOLN
Parking Lot Enthusiast
Packing her trunk to the brim with gear that would make a doomsday prepper proud, Fredonia senior Jamie Dodge leaves her apartment on Southeast Main Street at 6 p.m. on Sunday to make it to class on time for her 9 a.m. class the next morning.
“Living off campus is the best, I gotta say,” said Dodge, scanning Lot 1A like a vulture looking for a fresh corpse. “I don’t have to pay for a room, I can get my own food without having to rely on the campus and I get to play ‘Where’s Waldo?’ every day in these lots!”
For hours on end, Dodge scours the lots of Fredonia State, looking for that sweet nine-foot wide gap that she can slide her Station Wagon into.
“It’s a fantastic feeling when you finally find that perfect parking spot. It’s like the first time he says yes to a game of Wii Bowling. Pure ecstasy.
“For me, the perfect spot would be right between Thompson and Fenton, because that’s where my day usually starts and ends. People have mistaken me for their Xanax dealer because I guess I look pretty suspicious when I circle the lot.”
According to Dodge, she is not a drug dealer. With her first class at 9 a.m. and her last one at 5 p.m., she generally only has one hour before she begins her prowl of the lots.
Sometimes she gets lucky and finds her space early.
“Usually if that happens I’ll just inflate the air mattress I have in the trunk. It’s pretty spacious back there, so I don’t mind it at all,” she said. “Once I’m done with class, I’ll take my spare traffic cones and caution tape to make it look like the spot is under construction. It usually doesn’t work, but I like to stay optimistic.”
Other methods Dodge highlighted were dropping a rabid raccoon into the general vicinity and drawing the outline of a body in white chalk.
Dodge has admitted that her shenanigans have gotten her in trouble with University Police. However, she has since mended those wounds.
“Yeah, Officer Axle is pretty nice to me. If he finds me on his rounds we’ll kick back and watch a couple episodes of ‘New Girl’ together. My muffler isn’t that great at keeping my car quiet, but it makes some great popcorn,” Dodge said.
Officer Axle refused to comment.