P.T. PUNKIN
Guest Scallyway
Well, here we are again. It’s time to go over some slutty costumes that are sure to make an appearance tonight, and for the next week. If you wore any of these over this past weekend
. . . jokes on you, sweetie.
- Slutty Disney Princess. Okay. I get this one. The princesses are at least humans and their dresses are easy to make very small, but these women are royalty. Show some respect.
- Slutty Police Officer. If you’re going for authentic, you won’t be fooling anyone with this, but the badge will at least make you feel really cool. You do you.
- Slutty Genie. Putting a lamp on the front your pants and writing “rub me” is not cute and you will not attract any positive attention. Though you might piss people off every time you bump them with your costume. Proceed at your own risk.
- Slutty Greek God/Goddess. You’re literally just wearing a sheet as a toga. You might as well have just dressed up as a ghost. At least you would have gotten points for nostalgia.
- Slutty M&Ms. Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawn.
- Slutty Barry the Bee. I mean . . . that’s basically just the plot of the movie so points for being creative, I guess? For extra flavor, hide a speaker in your costume and play some jazz music. I would humbly recommend some sensual Nat King Cole.
- Slutty Nun. Scary? Check. Sexy? Kind of contradictory, dontcha think?
- Slutty Donald Trump. Again, definitely scary but I don’t think making all of your friends throw up immediately sounds like the definition of a great Halloween night.
- Slutty Pikachu. Literally a tiny little Pokemon. There is nothing sexy about this. You deserve a strong electric shock to the face if you do this for single handedly ruining people’s childhoods.
- Slutty Minion. Nope. Nope. Nope. WHYYYYYY would you do this? It’s gross and weird and they can’t even speak real words. At least have the decency to carry around a bushel of bananas for accuracy’s sake, you heathen.