Monday, Oct. 29
2:28 a.m. University Police responded to a report that someone broke the pavement outside of Gregory Hall. An investigation is ongoing but police say the evidence is concrete.
5:32 a.m. Andrew McSadboi was arrested for possession of marijuana after telling his friend about how he just “rolled the fattest blunt” while passing an officer.
Tuesday, Oct. 30
3:46 a.m. Patrols responded to a deeply disturbing message found on the bathroom stall in a bathroom in Fenton Hall. According to authorities, the threat was non-specific and vague, so it’s best to just not ask questions.
Wednesday, Oct. 31
1:30 a.m. An unnamed student was arrested for “being himself” for Halloween. He is quoted as being a “total fucking loser.”
Thursday, Nov. 1
12:01 a.m. Multiple arrests were made in connection to the murder of Halloween. Suspects were located based on how quickly they were able to throw up Christmas decorations.
4:08 p.m. University Police intervened in a heated debate on campus. According to the student witnesses, the two were debating on whether the object they found on the ground was a stone or a pebble.
Friday, Nov. 2
5:45 p.m. University Police was called to Nixon Hall after a student fell through their dorm room floor while watching “Die Hard.” According to reports, this was just the falling action.
Saturday, Nov. 3
3:03 p.m. Police responded to reports of shots fired on campus, only to find a fellow officer who thought that “today was too slow” and wanted to “add a little action to the day.” No charges were filed.