TRAVIS LEFEVRE
Editor in Chief
On Tuesday, voters took to the polls to elect their representatives. MAGA hats and pussy hats flood middle school gynasiums all over the country until they became flooded with something else: water.
The United States of America was momentarily submerged when a literal blue wave came in from both coastlines, creating a tidal wave that rivals the gnarlest of tides. Voters were swept away in droves and many rural areas were ruined.
Despite the devistation caused by the tidal wave, many urban civilizations remained relatively untouched.
“This is all part of the liberal conspiracy,” said Billy Huck while wringing out the Confederate flag attached to his trailer. “This was funded by Soros and the libtards to wipe out us decent folk.”
It seems as though Huck’s claims have reached the Oval Office, as President Trump echoed a similar sentiment on Twitter.
“The VERY FAKE news media just reported that a giant flood swept the country. This is very obviously an attack on Republicans funded by George Soros and the liberal elites. Very dishonest! #BuildThatWall #MAGA”
As a result of the President’s Tweets, FEMA has not yet been dispatched to the affected locations, which is a move that has been seen as favorable by his bas of supporters.
“I gotta tell you, it was a smart move of him not to send FEMA out this way,” said Bobby Hick, perched on his floating mobile. “You don’t wanna give them liberals the satisfaction of victory by spending government funds and I respect the hell out of it.”
Currently, the only relief effort that has been reported is in Kentucky, where Sen. Mitch McConnell has been spotted using his throat pouch as a life raft.