DOM MAGISTRO
Special to The Scallion
On the eleventh hour of the eleventh day in the eleventh month of 1918, leaders from around the world put an end to the “war to end all wars.” For 100 years, the world has honored Armistice Day on that date,
Nov. 11, with one glaring exclusion. In the United States, we celebrate Veterans Day.
Intended to honor veterans of every war in American history, Veterans Day is an honored tradition in the United States. Part of this honored tradition is the laying of the wreath at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier in Arlington Cemetery.
Despite the poor weather this year, world leaders got together to mourn the dead. Once again, the United States was the exception. Trump was busy, so he neglected to participate.
He wasn’t too busy to step outside for a moment in the rain. As soon as he did, officials report seeing him shrink until he was a puddle of fake tan with a messy blonde toupee floating in the middle.
The officials immediately scooped as much of the 45th president as they could into the paper cones you can find near any respectable water cooler and promptly poured him into a bathtub. A vessel was constructed the next day and Trump poured inside.
“I’m just glad that I don’t have to call Mike Pence our 46th president,” said Tyler Oakley.
“My new press pass is ready to ask this ooze what he did with the real president,” an excited Jim Acosta reported on CNN last night.
No one anticipated The Orange to melt into a puddle when stuck in the rain like the Wicked Witch of the West (sorry Elphaba, but the joke is there) but no one was particularly surprised, either.
While it was annoying to see how much he complained about having to stand in the rain, while the veterans who fought for the country he is currently failing at being in charge of stayed dry under a tent, it was certainly in character for the villain of modern America’s story.
Melting as soon as the rain touched him was a hilarious turn of events and, while the puddle is still technically the president, one can only hope that he evaporates before anyone finds a way to fix him.