Dear Fairy Godmother,
My grandma called me yesterday to make sure I had enough water and non perishables to survive this polar vortex. I didn’t realize I was supposed to have a blanket in my car or that my car might not start. I’m new at this. Do you have any winter advice for first-timers?
Please help,
Cold AF
Dear Cold,
This winter is abnormal even for Fredonia so rest assured, we do not usually have three winter storms right after the other. One of my biggest pieces of advice is to listen to your grandmother. If the power goes out, you’ll need food that won’t spoil, and if the pipes freeze, you’ll need a source of water. The blanket in your car is so you won’t freeze to death along the side of the road. Your car indeed might not start if it’s too cold. Winter is a very dangerous time to be unprepared. You should also make sure to always have a scraper and brush in your car. Check your tire pressure before leaving home. If you don’t have a car, wear boots and make sure to layer your clothes. One thick coat won’t be enough if it’s -20 windchill outside. Wear gloves, wear a scarf and cover your ears. If you slip and get hurt, make sure to contact someone ASAP. Walk together on campus because you can rest assured that they will either salt or shovel, never both. Winter won’t last forever and soon you’ll be slogging through mud.
Sincerely,
Fairy Godmother
Dear Fairy Godmother,
I have senioritis and I have no idea how to deal with it. It’s the end of the first week and I already don’t have the energy to order my textbooks. How can I get through this last semester without utterly bombing?
Please help,
Sinking Senior
Dear Sinking,
This last semester should be treated just like every semester before it. Take this advice with a grain of salt. If you spent every other semester partying and staying out all night, then you should continue the same behavior. We have no reason to expect you would change this late in the game. If you got solid B’s while not studying at all, then why put in the effort now? Senioritis is just your brain looking too far in the future. You still have to finish, but C’s get degrees! Just get comfortable with not hanging anything up on the refrigerator and lying to your parents, because it’s gonna be a bumpy ride. Here’s to hoping that you get to walk across that stage and hold in your hands the single most expensive piece of paper you’ll ever own. If not, well then we’ll see where your senioritis gets you next year.
Sincerely,
Fairy Godmother