Monday, Jan. 28
Officer’s responded to reports of a wild deer in distress. Upon arrival, it was discovered that the source of the noise was just a student in the fetal position begging for the semester not to start.
Tuesday, Jan. 29
Student’s reported a man watching them from their dorm window. Upon investigation, officers found the suspect to be a plastic skeleton.
Wednesday, Jan. 30
Police responded to a call of a missing student named “Marco.” Upon calling out his name, they realized searching for him would be pointless.
Friday, Feb. 1
A drunken man was arrested downtown for attempting to break into a police vehicle. During the arrest, the man handed the arresting officer a five dollar bill, saying “here’s a tip, you’re a great Uber.”
Saturday, Feb. 2
A man was arrested for peeing into the fountain in the park downtown. When confronted, he remained motionless attempting to disguise himself as marble decor.