The Leader
Scallion

Police Notters

Monday, Jan. 28

 

Officer’s responded to reports of a wild deer in distress. Upon arrival, it was discovered that the source of the noise was just a student in the fetal position begging for the semester not to start.

 

Tuesday, Jan. 29

 

Student’s reported a man watching them from their dorm window. Upon investigation, officers found the suspect to be a plastic skeleton.

 

Wednesday, Jan. 30

 

Police responded to a call of a missing student named “Marco.” Upon calling out his name, they realized searching for him would be pointless.

Friday, Feb. 1

 

A drunken man was arrested downtown for attempting to break into a police vehicle. During the arrest, the man handed the arresting officer a five dollar bill, saying “here’s a tip, you’re a great Uber.”

 

Saturday, Feb. 2

 

A man was arrested for peeing into the fountain in the park downtown. When confronted, he remained motionless attempting to disguise himself as marble decor.

 

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