JOSEPH MARCINIAK
Assistant Scallion Editor
With recent complaints about roads not being salted, Fredonia was quick to respond by salting the roads using leftover pretzel salt. This effectively covered the costs through pretzel sales and helps to reduce waste in an ongoing effort to help reduce waste.
“I think it’s pretty genius,” President Virginia Horvath said. “When I was informed of this issue with roads, I began to look at how we can distract the general public with food. Firstly, we started selling baked ziti at El Diablo Azul, which didn’t cover up too well. But now opening up several pretzel shops across campus allows us to both distract from the issue, and use a mediocre way of solving it!”
Several students have already taken notice, and they have applauded the administration for their quick and clever response to this issue.
The salt, however, has not been very effective, as some students have pointed out. One student in particular, James Twistie, a theatre arts major, recently posted a long tweet about the roads.
“I’m not just being salty, these roads are dangerous! Using pretzels is not okay. That salt was meant to be consumed. I don’t mean to get anybody’s pretzels in a twist, but this is ridiculous and the administration should be ashamed.” (@Twistieboy).
Student Mary Eataton has fully embraced the new pretzel stands, quite literally. Witnesses report she hugs every pretzel stand she sees.
“I just love pretzels. Not only are they delicious, but they keep me from slipping all over the place!” Eataton recently said.