JOSEPH MARCINIAK
Scallion Editor
Well, the old fogie is at it again.
Former Vice President Joe Biden recently revealed in an interview with the Scallion that during his rally in Poughkeepsie, God appeared to tell him that he has to take on Trump alone.
“It was a miracle. There I was rambling about Obamacare or something, I can’t really remember, when suddenly this bright light appeared in my eyes. It was God,” Biden said. “God told me it was my job, and my job only, to ensure that Trump did not get a second term.”
Reports say that in the middle of his speech, someone turned on a spotlight after forgetting to do so, which temporarily blinded Biden and put him in a stupor, confusing him greatly.
“Yeah, no, that was my fault,” spot operator Tyson Mangus said. “I forgot to turn on my light at the start of the rally.”
Biden has been quick to respond and answer the many questions that have been thrown his way. The main question on everyone’s mind seems to be, “What does God look like?”
Biden knows exactly the answer and has said the same thing at every interview, “Bones. Just lots and lots of bones. Slimy bones, stinky bones, big bones, medium bones, any bone you can think of, that’s God.”
We asked local theologian Joshua Messiah what he thought.
“I’ve been studying the Bible and different theological sources for years, and all I can say is that he is completely right,” he said. “As Jesus said in the Bible, ‘my bones ache, for God looks like a lot of bones.’ Can’t tell you what book that is, but it’s in there.”