DOM MAGISTRO
Assistant Scallion Editor
You heard it here first, folks. After weeks spent dreading logging into Facebook, Frederick Drain has taken action against his aggressors.
Ever since he went to class wearing a full suit of armor, clanging and creaking down the halls, other students referred to him as Sir Drain. You may have heard him with the non-noble title of “the Leaky,” and that came from the moment he tried to drink from a water fountain and was dripping for hours to come.
This harassment extended onto social media where images of Sir Drain, the Leaky were captioned “chivalry isn’t dead” and “when you got class at 2, but have to defend your maiden’s honor at 3.”
Drain decided that if he couldn’t have the privilege of using social media without being harassed for his clothing choice, no one could.
Drain booked the next flight to Silicon Valley and within two days Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and Snapchat servers were down.
Upon his return, the Scallion spoke with Drain about how he did it.
“Well, you know, when you’re determined enough, you can sneak into four different server rooms and commit small amounts of arson,” said Drain, wires falling out of his pockets.
Drain hid in the bathroom of the building housing Facebook servers until the building closed. He then used the weight of his armor to knock out a guard and used a key card to access the room. This effectively downed both Facebook and Instagram.
Snapchat lacked any sort of security whatsoever. Drain claimed he just found the servers sitting on the curb on his way to Twitter.
Drain paraglided into Twitter’s server room and strolled out casually, telling the guards “Sco pa tu manaa.”
The social media giants had backup servers active in seconds, so no data was lost and only a minor inconvenience was suffered by those actively using social media at the time.
Drain did not target Tumblr because he “didn’t want to turn into the one thing he took action against.”