JOSEPH MARCINIAK
Long-Suffering Editor of the Scallion
Hi everyone. Here at the Scallion, we strive for the finest articles. We sit for hours, discussing what is socially and politically relevant, and most of all, what is funny.
At our weekly meetings on Monday, I had an idea. I wrote down the idea, and the title you see above was my idea. After a week of staring at my computer screen, I realized the terrible mistake I’ve made.
After almost two decades of me living on this earth, I was still unable to gain the wisdom to realize that this article was indeed a bad idea.
But hey, this is a great learning lesson.
I’m not going to double down and deny it. I, at one point, thought, “Hey, this would be a good idea to put in the Scallion.”
Do I regret my choices? No, I do not. I learn and grow, as we all do.
Here I am typing this article with tears in my eyes as I realize the choices I must make. Someone will pay the price for this mistake. Dom Magistro, if you’re reading this right now, you’re fired for letting this article get this far.
Dom has been a valued writer, and currently serves as our assistant editor. However, he will deal with the consequences, since I don’t feel like it.
Thank you for reading, and I promise this will never happen again.