MATTHEW BAUM
Guest Scallywag
The actor that epitomizes the exact worst of method acting, Jared Leto, has recently taken to the media to report that he’s mad.
Nobody asked, but he decided he wanted people to be aware of it.
“I’m pissed! I am incredibly pissed!” Leto told Guest Scallywag Matthew Baum, who was fixated on the hideous accent the actor was using. “Did you know they made a new guy the Joker? Who let that happen? Why didn’t anyone tell me!?”
In an effort to either scare fellow actor Joaquin Phoenix out of the role of Batman’s biggest baddie or to fully embrace the character for his next appearance, Jared Leto has chosen to lighten the pigment of his skin and dye his hair a rancid green. In addition, he has accumulated an assortment of tattoos, including, but not limited to, a smiling face on the back of his left hand and a forehead piece that reads ‘damaged’ in light cursive.
During the interview, he was actually in the process of covering his teeth with silver grills, which made understanding him quite the task.
Just last week, Leto was caught on camera stealing six soccer mascot heads from a Party City in Santa Monica and assembling a gang of rough-riding thugs with low moral standards. Various friends of Leto have come forward to say that his in-character pranks have become even more heightened.
Racecar Borgnine, nephew of “Airwolf” star Ernest Borgnine, claimed that his childhood friend recently came to his house in the middle of the night and smeared a menacing grin on his garage door in what he hopes is red paint.
To be clear, people claim Leto’s character choices are for an increased connection to his character in the DC Extended Universe, and that his series of unfortunate events are in the pursuit of true method acting. However, any acting major more than eight weeks into their courses would tell you that being rude to play a rude character is not the method Stanislavski describes in his teachings.
Joe Marciniak, editor of the Scallion and sophomore acting and English double-major, had this to say about Jared Leto’s blatant misinterpretation of “An Actor Prepares”:
“It’s just a shame. To have one yutz tainting all of Stanislavski’s Method under the guise of ‘getting in character’ is maddeningly insulting. Leto being pissed makes me pissed, and I think I have to do something about it!”
Marciniak was last seen donning a cowl with pointy ears and climbing up Maytum Hall with a grappling hook.