JOSEPH MARCINIAK
Spooky Editor of the Scallion
Buckle up, everyone, we have a SPOOKY story to tell you. This story is 100% true, so you better be prepared.
Are you sitting comfortably? Then let’s begin.
It all started on an average Halloween night. Dr. Hefner sat in his office, counting the days until they find a replacement, while playing darts on a dartboard with Virginia Horvath’s face on it.
Suddenly, Hefner received a call from a close friend. It was a man named John Proctor, famous physician and professor of anatomy.
Dr. Proctor had a proposal for Hefner, or just “Heffy” as Proctor called him.
“I would like you to do something for me,” Proctor said, while the interest of Hefner was peaked. “I am developing a new disease to wipe all students off of the planet in an attempt to free us from our shackles of teaching.”
Hefner cackled. It couldn’t be that easy. A disease to kill every single student? How idiotic, he thought.
“I promise, I am very close to completing it. This is what we’ve been looking for, Heffy.”
Hefner cracked a smile. He realized through the certainty in Proctor’s voice that this was, indeed, no joke.
Hefner took a deep breath, and said, “I’m in.”
A month later, Hefner awoke in his bed to an odd smell in his room. He looked around to notice his room was still the same.
Suddenly, Hefner realized it was himself who smelled.
A sudden flashback arose in his mind of Proctor saying “When someone catches the epidemic, the first thing they’ll notice is that they smell odd.”
Hefner looked out the window and shouted at the top of his lungs. He had caught the first case.
That lying bastard, Hefner thought to himself. He told Hefner that the only ones who would get the disease were students.
Instantly, Hefner hopped out of bed and dashed to the phone. As he rang his old friend, the phone made an odd noise. It was almost a whisper, which spoke, “Your turn.”
Suddenly, everything went black. Hefner awoke in pitch black, unsure of where he was. Suddenly he felt the roughness surrounding him.
He was in the ground!
He began to dig upward, clawing at any dirt. He dug for what felt like miles. Finally, he reached the surface.
Clawing his way out of the ground, he noticed the grave above him, labeled “Dennis Hefner, died of some shit.”
Dr. Hefner panicked and ran home to cry.
This is the spooky untold story of how Dr. Hefner died or some shit, we don’t really know.