MATTHEW BAUM
Staff Scallywag
One of the biggest concerns most college students have is that they will be too distant from their family. The move to campus is fun, and opportunities open up for those who attend university, but it’s quite an abrupt change from being able to see your loved ones day in and day out.
Karen Allotta-Kache saw this coming when her oldest daughter, Liz, decided to attend SUNY Fredonia, and immediately leased a house on Lambert Street, within walking distance of the campus. Allotta-Kache then enrolled her four other children (Becca, Jen, Lori and Merle) in the Fredonia school district. Her husband, Manny Kache, still lives in the Syracuse area, but makes weekend trips down to his family each week.
Liz had this to say about her family’s decision to follow her to school: “I don’t really mind. Mom makes a killer lasagna, and I have basically no expenses of my own, but I would like a little alone time every now and again. She’s always been like this, though, so I’m used to it.”
Recently, there have been some murmurings in the community about the Allotta-Kache matriarch and her support for her daughter. Many of the other spectators at the soccer scrimmage Liz played in last month commented about how Karen Allotta-Kache brought a larger-than-life, custom-made Fred Devil inflatable mascot and a megaphone, through which she bellowed encouragement to her daughter to no end.
There have also been sightings of a low-flying helicopter hovering over the campus, painted blue and white, with the words “Mommy loves you, Lizzy” written on the bottom of the vehicle.
There’s no way to know for sure that the helicopter was sent by Mrs. Allotta-Kache, but come on. Obviously. We’re not stupid. Now, let’s you and I both acknowledge that this is a little weird.
Regardless of anybody’s feelings on the situation, it is safe to say that this sort of communication between loving mother and unaffected daughter is becoming a bit distracting in a learning environment such as Fredonia. During Family Weekend, Allotta-Kashe invited her entire extended family, totaling around 45, and the entire Allotta clan took to the streets of the campus in blue morph suits, with signs saying, “Liz’s Family is the Best” and “Behold the Allotta Army.”
Liz, at this point, has discovered that she might be transferring to the University of Buffalo, and those near to the Allotta-Kache family have claimed that there have been a number of realty agency cars pulling into their estate in the past week.