JAMES MEAD
Patio BBQ Enthusiast
The FSA Bakeshop, one of FSA’s many special events, offers a festive selection of cookies and cookie dough — but if you want gingerbread, you’re fresh out of luck.
The Bakeshop was sent reeling this Monday after a sophomore, Noelle Carol, ordered 10 tons of gingerbread dough.
Said Carol, “I was scrolling through my inbox looking for anything important, and I kept seeing updates about a holiday bake-sale. The giant red and green font just screamed ‘BUY OUR COOKIES,’ so I knew I had to get in on that.”
With a cash payment already delivered in full, Carol needs only to wait for FSA to make enough gingerbread dough to fill her three dorms in McGinnies Hall.
“I’m always watching for emails from FSA,” she continued, “Thanksgiving at Cranston? I’m down. Pre-Black Friday sale at the bookstore? I’m DOWN.”
FSA Emails Coordinator Mark Shafer had other views.
“Honestly, we just send out those emails as a joke — we didn’t think anyone was reading them,” said Shafer. “We don’t even have gingerbread dough! What kind of monster willingly reads news updates from a campus dining service and responds to them?!”
All dining halls have closed early while employees work on the order, due this Friday.
FSA is asking any students with extra gingerbread lying around to celebrate the giving season by donating it and any students with extra time to volunteer by making gingerbread dough.
“The holiday season is about more than just presents and traditions — it’s about giving back to your community,” wrote FSA’s latest 12 emails, “So please, for the love of all that’s good in this world, help us.”