DOM MAGISTRO
Assistant Editor of the Scallion
Getting together with a group of friends to enjoy some laughs and maybe a few drinks is a great way to spend your weekend, but for one local student, the classic “party game for horrible people,” Cards Against Humanity is a little too horrible.
Gordon “Gordo” Smith, a freshman women and gender studies minor, was relaxing in his friends’ apartment Friday evening, eating dinner and playing some classic board games when one of them pulled out a copy of Cards Against Humanity. Smith mentioned he had never played before, and they all laughed and decided to play a few rounds.
“After about half an hour, I was definitely uncomfortable,” said Smith. “I decided I was gonna do something about it. So, the next morning, I snuck back into their house and started pulling cards out of the box. And, when I was just finishing up Casey came out into the living room and he goes ‘Ahhh Gordo what are you doing in my house?’ and I goes ‘Oh I’m just cleaning up,’ and for some reason he thought that was weird, but Casey’s place is always such a mess and especially after Friday night the filth in that game was all over the place.”
When asked what cards he pulled out of the box, Smith shrugged.
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“That game is awful! I pulled out so many, it would be easier to just tell you what cards I didn’t pull out. Lets see, some of the cards I left in are ‘Batman,’ ‘bees’ and ‘You must construct additional pylons,’” said Smith.
At this point, I was thoroughly confused. I had to know what exactly was the issue with cards like “Rush Limbaugh’s soft, shitty body,” and “Bill Clinton lying naked on a bearskin rug playing the saxophone.”
“Are you kidding me, man? Don’t you get it? Bill Clinton is a former President, he would never ever ever be so disrespectful to the environment to have a bearskin rug, that’s so slanderous! And Rush Limbaugh is a Medal of Freedom winner! How could you think insulting him is funny?” said Smith.
“I left the door unlocked and he’s a good friend, it’s okay. I’m not really worried about it. Mostly I just want him to give me the cards back, ’cause I can’t play the game with only 24 cards,” said Casey Dublin, owner of the deck of cards in question.
Dublin claims he will not be pressing charges, despite the break in and still-missing stolen property.