JOSEPH MARCINIAK
Trembling and Panicking Editor of the Scallion
[RELATED: How the Coronavirus is affecting campus]
Well, that’s it folks. Cuomo tweeted on Wednesday morning, “Ah, fuck it. School’s out. #coronavirus”. After careful consideration of this tweet, SUNY has taken this as a cancellation of all classes and a forced evacuation of the students.
President Hefner said in a statement, “It’s good that we’re doing something about this pandemic, but also, Cuomo, what the fuck? You could’ve at least contacted us about this first. Now we’re just scrambling to figure out what your tweet means for this evacuation.”
After the Scallion’s own evaluation of the tweet, we have determined that all students should PANIC! EVERYBODY RUN AROUND SCREAMING! GOD IS DEAD! THE WHITE HOUSE HAS FALLEN! OBAMA IS GONE! EVERYONE PANIC!
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