JULES HOEPTING
Guest Scallywag
Here at The Leader, we strive for balanced perspectives on important issues. It has been apparent that one COVID-19 highly affected group — the pets — has been practically ignored. As it turns out, just like us humans, pets are processing the pandemic in different ways.
Cleopatra the cat is concerned.
“I’ve known my human for 13 years now, and they are exhibiting some purrfectly wacky behavior. My human spends most of their day staring at the computer screen; they have even started talking to the screen and behaving as if there is another human listening to them!”
Cleopatra dramatically sighed before resuming her thoughts.
“It is obvious they are in need of a distaction. To obtain their attention, I prance across the keyboard, reminding them of what real interaction is. My human responds by removing me from the keyboard, placing me to the side of their computer and petting me.”
Cleopatra closed her eyes, reminiscing on the soothing snuggles.
Doug the dog is stoked.
“My human companion has been home more than ever before! They’ve paid more attention to me in the past few weeks than they have in the past few years! We’ve gone on so many walks! I’ve chased so many squirrels! I’ve sniffed so many odors! Has my face softened to its original puppy-dog state!?”
Harold the hamster is mad.
“The humans are complaining about quarantine, hmm? They don’t like being stuck in their houses with nowhere to go, hmm? You know what I think? HUMANS ARE HYPOCRITES! I live in a freakin’ cage! Why do you think I spent so much time running frantically on a wheel!?”
Fernando the fish is indifferent.
“Changes in the last few weeks? I suppose the humans have been putting their eyeballs up to the glass more … I don’t really know why fish are considered pets anyways — you can’t pet us. We just swim around in a glass container like what the humans call an exhibit at a museum.”
Stubby, the Fredonia squirrel known for his stubby tail, is radiating chaotic energy.
“Pandemic? That word sounds like ‘panic’ with ‘damn’ in the middle! Damn it I gotta panic! I gotta stock up with leaves for my bathroom! I must be prepared!”
If you have a pet who would like to share their pandemic perspectives, send us a message on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram.