ALEXANDRA WALSH
Professional selfie-taker and simp
Aquarius:
You came to The Leader the day of your daughter’s wedding to read your horoscope?
Pisces:
Don’t let these horoscopes define who you are.
Aries:
Your horoscope 10,000% defines who you are. Don’t listen to Pisces.
Taurus:
I miss you as much as dads miss Home Depot.
Gemini:
Gemini, you walk into a bar. Just kidding — you can’t.
Cancer:
Knock knock. Who’s there? It’s Scorpio, telling you to have a good day.
Leo:
Must be nice knowing Leo’s are the superior sign. Jealous.
Virgo:
Virgo, in the past I may have been biased towards your kind, but honestly you’ve been slacking. Set it up, please.
Libra:
Libra, Libra, Libra; iced coffee is not a substitute for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
Scorpio:
Never told cancer to have a good day, lol.
Sagittarius:
You have the power to self-fulfill anything you put your mind to! Always remember that, Sagittarius.
Capricorn:
What’s that saying…I saved the best for last?? Well that’s awkward because my fingers are tired at this point and I don’t feel like typing anything anymore for you.