HANNAH BLIDY
Staff Scallywag
aries: corona got you down? check out scorpio for some tips 🙂 !!
taurus: you deserve a drink for everything you’ve been dealing with. obviously an age-appropriate non-alcoholic drink if you’re under 21. maybe like a capri sun or something.
gemini: (italian accent) i got a pizza 4 u.
cancer: that succulent you bought during move-in week is slowly dying, my friend. water that little dude.
leo: proud of u for social distancing. it was probably because no one wants to be around you, though.
virgo: cause some mayhem this week. leave the toothpaste cap off. don’t fold your socks. live life on the edge.
libra: for you, this week will be like that really off-brand dr. pepper they sell at the dollar tree.
scorpio: cry you little piss baby.
sagittarius: your week will be like a cranston pasta bowl. exciting at first, but mediocre and borderline bad by the end.
capricorn: gemini has something they need to tell you. it’s important and you should definitely take it seriously.
aquarius: woah dude i’m turning into a robot i don’t think i can finish the horo—— beep boop beep boop.
pisces: welcome to hell you little gremlin.