JAY BYRON
Guest Scallywag
Today, a student living in Gregory Hall was doing homework but decided to take a break for a shocking and unique reason: to eat salsa on the ground.
This student is a music therapy major, so she had many valid and psychological reasons as to why she ate the salsa on the floor.
She assures that the salsa was in a container and the chips she was eating the appetizing snack with were in a bag, kept safe from the outside world and any possible organisms on the ground.
Her technique in dipping a chip is something she likes to call “unique.” She dips the chip in just a little, covering about one-sixth of the chip, and eats it like that to “preserve the salsa.”
The student is adamant about only eating blue corn tortilla chips. She says that if anyone were to give her regular ones, she would smack them out of their hand for blasphemy.
She calls herself a “salsa maniac.”
We have set up an interview with the student to see if she has any further insight to give as to why she eats salsa on the ground and the details behind it.
She refused to answer questions regarding her technique, as she finds the way of the chip “personal.”
Why are you eating salsa on the ground?
“Well, I mean it’s gone now, but I don’t wanna get a mess on my bed. It’s not college life unless you eat your food on the ground.”
Was the salsa good?
“The salsa was very good and zesty. I did enjoy it. However, I’m still snacky but I don’t wanna go out in public because of [redacted]. Also, blue corn tortilla chips — very good.”
Why blue corn?
“I feel like I’m healthier when I eat them. And they’re just aesthetically pleasing, like the smoothie I bought.”
Care to elaborate on the smoothie you bought?
“I bought a mango Naked smoothie because I liked the color blocking between the blue and the orange and I wanted to own it… however, I didn’t like it. So I gave it to my roommate, as you do.”
Finally, do you think this is an activity everyone should be doing? Why or why not?
“Yeah. Salsa’s good for you. Your body will thank you. Underrated snack. Sometimes it’s nice to get a different perspective of your room. I’m pro-snack-eating on the ground. Slide into my DMs if you also like eating snacks on the ground.”
The student became full by the end of the interview and put the last bit of salsa in the fridge. She suggests everyone should participate in eating salsa on the ground as long as you are safe when you do it.