BRIAN CECALA
Guest Scallywag
It’s me, the token MAGA hat guy on campus, coming at you this election year to remind you of the various values we, as smart conservatives, have.
Far-left communist sleepy Joe Biden and open Antifa card-carrying member Kamala Harris are trying to make all citizens of the U.S. subservient to their big government ideals. That is why I support God Emperor Trump who stands for LAW AND ORDER, so if you step out of line by illegally legally protesting, then the brave and smart cops will send you to jail (After a good beating. Don’t like it, don’t ever commit a crime).
Second off, Trump has been the most supportive of the LGBT out of any president ever. Like how he is rolling back trans healthcare protections and passing laws that make it possible for adoption agencies to decline adoptions for openly gay couples. It is the privilege of every LGBT citizen to be EQUAL to their straight counterparts.
Third, Joe Biden has a dead son. I don’t know why that’s bad, but Trump made a big deal about it in the debates so it’s probably important.
Fourth, Trump IS NOT RACIST. When asked if he would denounce white supremacy, he said, “Sure.” I don’t know what more sheeple liberals can want. If he was racist he would routinely dog-whistle predominantly white neighborhoods and pretend that he’s protecting them by code-calling Black people something like “low income housing” as a sign to white supremacist groups that he’s on their side*.
Fifth, he survived impeachment. Thank god for our Republican boys in the Senate who refused to see any evidence and openly stated that they would back the president without hearing any facts of the case.
Sixth, Trump handled coronavirus better than any president. Look at Joe Biden’s response, he didn’t do anything! It was a terrible thing sent to us from China that should have never happened and one life is too many. Only 223,000 people died so far, which is 74 times more people than those who died during 9/11, but I can’t blame corona on brown people, so I’m ok with it.
Seventh, Joe Biden does not have a cool hat.
Finally, some of you have been asking about my cool hat I wear everyday.
No, it is not smelly. It smells like manly musk.
Yes, I have to openly project my political views to everyone everyday, otherwise how else can I virtue signal to everyone I’m smarter than them?
I would keep the hat on during sex, but these libs don’t like strong manly men, so I am not having any.
*He does.