JAY BYRON
Guest Scallywag
This article is for my ladies out there. Ladies? Are you listening? This is the reading material for you. Only ladies. If you are a man, stop reading! Right now!
Listen up, ladies. We got a woman who has power right in front of us. Are you telling me that some of you are ignoring her, even though she is the ultimate queen? The most razzle-dazzled woman? She could beat you to a pulp. Here’s a list of reasons why she’s my #girlboss and soon to be yours, too.
1. She speaks
Come on! You have to admit she does it. She talks really well. She has a good vocabulary, I think. Also her breath intake between sentences? Amazing, stunning. You’re trying to tell me that other women can speak better than she can? Try her. She will speak so hard that she will blow away into smithereens.
2. YES CUT HIM OFF QUEEN
We all saw that vice presidential debate, right? She definitely took him down and all from saying “I’m speaking.” This ties perfectly with point one! She speaks and she knows how to tell people that she is speaking! As she should! As she should.
3. She’s a cop
Okay, so, let’s break this one down. Kamala Harris is queen cop. She knows exactly how to be a cop. You’re telling me other women can do that? I think not! Kamala Harris is such a cop that she’s policing the police! Top cop, baby! Yeah! Yay, cops! Wait. Uhh…
4. Yayyy a woman VP yayyyy
She’s a woman. She’s running for vice president. Are there really any other women who do anything remotely close to that? Anything similar at all? That’s right. No.
5. (Wait… she had a presidential campaign… and so did other women… what)
6. She’s just like us
Nothing says #girlboss like being able to relate to other women. She’s just a human, like us. She also has feelings. Well, I’m kind of assuming she has feelings because most humans do. Also, she grew up in a town in a house. That’s really exciting. She’s basically all of us. It was a small house, too. So that’s even closer to what we are.
7. Note taking
Oh, oh! Also during the vice presidential debate she took notes really aggressively like any boss should do! She’s a queen for that. She was writing at the speed of light, so fast that I thought her hand was going to shoot into outer space. I mean, look it up and watch her do it again. It was wild. She really had everything ready to go. Taking notes like that? Who does that? I bet it looks really nice. Kamala Harris, if you’re reading this, please let me see your notes please, I just really want to see them (please).
8. THE FITS
We all know Kamala Harris is a queen in dark blue. But have you seen her in dull wine red? Beautiful. The suits? Come on. One time I saw her in plaid. A light plaid. That was striking and absolutely very incredibly different. Oh, Kamala, lend me your closet!!!
9. She reminds me of Miley Cyrus somehow
I don’t know, but you know where I’m coming from, right? Like, I just know she will get on stage and start singing a cover of Heart of Glass in intense glittery makeup. She would do the TikTok trend really well, I just know it. Kamala Harris can totally be Miley Cyrus for Halloween and I wouldn’t even bat an eye because I’d just think she’s Miley Cyrus.
10. California woman
She’s from California! That’s so cool! I wish I was from California. I think only #girlbosses come from California. Man, if only I could be from California so I could feel what Kamala Harris feels all the time. I want to be Californian so bad. Please, Kamala Harris. Please love me.
That’s all for why you should make Kamala Harris your new #girlboss. She’s… she’s just perfect. I miss her.