BRIAN CECALA
Guest Scallywag
What’s up gamers!
It’s me, ya boy FazeSmoothie, here back at ya for another hot take. STOP PUTTING POLITICS INTO OUR ENTERTAINMENT.
Sheesh, I’m trying to relax over here. It all started when my favorite war game, Kill Gun, came out with a sequel, Kill Gun 2. It looked so sick! There was gonna be even more killing than the last one.
But uh oh — libs got their hands on this game and forced the creators to make the main character a GIRL!
Now look, I’m not sexist or anything, I’m actually quite the gentleman, but women are physically inferior to men and could never be epic enough to wield the kill gun. This is obviously the PC police forcing equality into our games.
The Kill Gun games have never been political! It was always a fictional story where the year is 2090 and tensions between the U.S. and Russia drove the world into a nuclear crisis state so fascist dictators took over the U.S. and the civilians designed the powerful Kill Gun to retake America.
You IDIOTS had to make it political. It’s so stressful being a gamer in America today.
It doesn’t end there, though! There are politics everywhere. Fortnite added a Joe Biden skin, but they didn’t add a Trump skin!
If Joe Biden wins the election it is entirely because of the positive attention he’s getting from all the Fortnite fans.
Video games are a form of escapism. So stop invading my entertainment with propaganda probably paid for by the deep state!
If I want to learn about politics, I’ll turn on my favorite unbiased channel, Fox News.
Movies are already ruined by politics. Like the Black Panther and Captain Marvel movies were RUINED by politics.
The new Borat movie was FILLED with politics?! What the heck? I just wanna watch the funny foreigner say “mY wIfE,” but he barely even said that.
Instead, they scripted these poorly-shot scenes about fake rallies or something. It was completely different from the original Borat we know and love.
White straight male gamers are the most oppressed minority in America because we can’t even turn to entertainment without people RUINING it for us.
That is why I won’t be part of this system anymore. I will not be buying Kill Gun 2. I will only buy the game when it comes out and I won’t buy any of the DLC.
I won’t be buying the Joe Biden Fortnite skin either; I’m gonna use a V-buck gift card my mom bought me for being such a good boy.