JAY BYRON
Guest Scallywag
You know as well as I do how good hand-holding is, unless you’ve never held anyone’s hand. You live a sad life.
I would offer my hand, but it’s COVID-19 time and I don’t really wanna touch you. I also don’t know who you are. Hand-holding is incredibly comforting. Have you ever wondered who needs their hand held?
Well, I know and I’ll tell you in-depth.
POV: You enter Willy C’s and you are standing in line. It’s not too busy, weirdly enough, but there were already a few people who got their orders in. “Those four people are pretty cool,” you think, but what interests you most is what is on the screen above the cute little order kiosk: those four silhouettes.
“They look awesomesauce,” you think.
Okay, so, that POV was me. That was how I felt when one day I realized how much I want to hold their little fake hands. They deserve it — at least those four. I’ll even rate them for you, I guess.
First up, we have feminine figure No. 1 leaning to the right just a little bit in a cool tight skirt. I think her defining factor is the left arm which is wavering into the air just a little too much. Honestly, that is enough for me to believe she truly wants her hand held. Why else would she put a hand out that much?
However, what concerns me is that it seems almost in a fist. Does she want to punch me? If she wants to punch me, I think I’d be okay with that because she’s virtual and she physically cannot hurt me. Emotionally, she can and will hurt me. I won’t take it personally, though. I know she’s probably just having a bad time because she doesn’t want her hand held. I think she wants her hand held? Whatever. I want to hold her hand still, even though she may want to beat me up.
I’d give her a good 6/10 for how much I want to hold her hand. Not high, I know, but she definitely would pain me emotionally if we were to hold hands. I think she’d tell me she wants to beat me up.
Second is masculine figure No. 1. They are standing up mostly straight with feet turned outward, the left hand probably up to their chin and the other down at their side. I hate splitting them up into feminine and masculine, however, I know what Willy’s is up to. Stinkers. Anyways, this person looks absolutely done with the world. I know they need a good hand-holding. They’re just waiting for their sandwich, probably impatiently.
This poor person. I mean, how long have they been waiting? We don’t know. They’re stuck like that for eternity. I think they would benefit from getting their hand held, even if it wasn’t for long. I would even interlock our fingers, platonically, obviously.
I would rate them a 7/10 for how much I want to hold their hand. I don’t think they’d want it for long, and I want to hold on for a while. Still, they need the comfort. I’m here for you, friend.
Next up is masculine figure No. 2. Now this guy… oh God. He’s standing, leaning to the right side with his opposite foot facing outward. His hands are placed near his stomach, holding onto something, or perhaps they’re crossed. He looks pissed for some reason.
This. Guy. I don’t know, pals. I just don’t think he’s a hand-holding type of person. I know I said before I want to hold all of their hands, but he’s mad at everything and I think he’d be mad at me too, somehow. That, or he would insult my hair because I look like a dirty, dirty liberal.
I would rate him a 2/10 for how much I want to hold his hand. I’m just afraid. I don’t want him to be mad at me, I simply would like to comfort him. Also, I don’t want him to insult me. I know he would. He’s sick of it.
Lastly, my feminine queen No. 2. I love her. Actually, I’d go so far as to say maybe I’m in love with her. She’s standing with her ankles crossed. She has a big poofy skirt on. Her hair looks big and fluffy. Her hands are behind her back. She is just something else, huh?
I think she wants her hand held. Genuinely. She’s standing there and I think she’d have a smile on her face. I think she deserves to have her hand held very much. In fact, I think she wants to interlock fingers. We might even be able to have a conversation? The thought of it is making my hands super clammy. Wow. She’s just so cool, I don’t know if I want to be her or if I want to give her a nice present, like chocolates. She looks like she could dance! I think she’d dance quite well.
I would rate her a 10/10 — confound it all, 11/10. I would very much enjoy holding her hand. So much that I actually want to right now, but I cannot. I think I am sad because of this fact.
I know there are probably more silhouettes. I know I could rate them, too. However, in my head, I already know who they are. I know their personalities and their lives. I simply want to tell them it will be okay.
Well, most of them. Masculine figure No. 2 just makes me mad.
Maybe one day, I will be able to hold their hands.