BRIAN CECALA
Staff Scallywag
We are here at the Scallion always to further intelligent discussion.
In light of the ever-ongoing topic of the Confederate flag within America, I have invited the ghost of the Union Colonel Eugene B. Beaumont.
Beaumont trained soldiers in Washington in 1861 and received a medal of honor for his service in the Civil War.
He died in 1916, but with modern technology his spectre is here to further the discussion in America.
In the other corner, I have brought in Kyle Smith, who received an 71.2 in his overall grade for U.S. history.
I left them with the topic: Is the Confederate flag offensive imagery. The following is a transcript of their conversation.
Kyle: So like first of all. It’s our history, dude. Do you hate America?
Beaumont: No, I was a proud fighter for our country! When seditious rebels tried to shatter the great Ameri-
Kyle: Americahatingdorksayswhat.
Beaumont: What?
Kyle: Gotcha! I passed U.S history, this was all about states’ rights. There was big government overreach.
Beaumont: States’ rights… for slaves.
Kyle: Yeah.
Beaumont: You don’t find that offensive.
Kyle: There were other things.
Beaumont: Okay, name them.
They sit in silence for 2 minutes and 32 seconds.
Beaumont: Are you okay?
Kyle: I’m thinking!
Beaumont: Kyle, Confederate rebels killed my friends. They killed American soldiers. How do you reconcile yourself for supporting a flag flown by soldiers that murdered Americans?
Kyle: It’s like… my First Amendment right?
Beaumont: Ok. But that’s not really the question I asked you.
Kyle: Can I ask you a question?
Beaumont: Of course.
Kyle: Do ghosts… like… eat food?
Beaumont: No.
Kyle: Oh.
Beaumont: Lemme ask you, Kyle, Do you find it telling that the rise in Confederate imagery only began resurfacing in popularity when civil rights for Black people in the United States started becoming a present issue?
Kyle: You were dead, how do you know?
Beaumont: I check in every now and then. Ghosts have lots of free time.
Kyle: Do you ever haunt people?
Beaumont: Yeah, sometimes.
Kyle: What do you do for fun?
Beaumont: Ok, I think we’re done here.
I would like to thank Kyle and Colonel Beaumont for their time.
When asked for a final message, Colonel Beaumont said, “While I support the First Amendment right of every American, I urge you to seek and learn the history of our great divide. It is imperative to healing the wounds in our nation that we feel even to this very day.”
When asked for a final response, Kyle said, “You telling me a shrimp fried this rice?” then he ran away snickering.
Join us for our next open dialogue where we will ask a cat and dog to sit down and settle their differences.