HANNAH BLIDY
Staff Scallywag
Guess what everyone! This is my 10th time writing the horoscopes!!!!!!! Yay!!!!!!!!!! In honor of this MOMENTOUS occasion, I have decided to read literally every Scallion article written in 2020 and choose one for each sign!!!!!!!!!! Isn’t that fun???????? Also it means I get to do less work. Click the links below to find your ~curated~ Scallion article!
Aries: Top five criminal activities available to you this fall
Taurus: This coronavirus has affected my motivation so much, I’m even too lazy to write this article
Gemini: It’s a doobie! Gender reveal party sets creek on fire
Cancer: Exclusive interview with the guy who has Hunter Biden’s laptop
Leo: University Police accepting fines in the form of points
Virgo: Wait, where is everyone?
Libra: I’m not like other girls, I do things that other girls do
Sagittarius: Student with too much on his plate continues to add more to his plate
Capricorn: I know everyone’s panicking about this whole coronavirus thing, but has anyone seen my pants?