The Leader
Scallion

Horoscopes

HANNAH BLIDY

Staff Scallywag

aries: f*ckin’ uh i don’t know

taurus: ur like a little f*ckin’ turtle

gemini: underrated air sign we love u gemini babies

cancer: cry baby oooo whatcha gonna do f*ckin’ cry about it?

leo: why don’t you un-repress your emotions and then we can talk about you getting a significant other lol ok?

virgo: nice job on the full moon 

libra: epic libra moment my friend

scorpio: i bet you are tired right now because we are all tired,,,, of your BULLSH*T

sagittarius: bleep bloop you’re now a minecraft squid

capricorn: physical embodiment of when you eat too much cheese

aquarius: fine ok u got my attention by literally sending me 17,000 tiktoks by the way there’s no f*cking way i’m actually watching all of those i’m just gonna scroll through and randomly like them so that you think i actually watched them

pisces: orange you glad i didn’t say banana?

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