BRIAN CECALA
Staff Scallywag
So you wanna get ready and watch “WandaVision” like the other hip cool guys? But you haven’t watched all the Marvel movies that lead up to it. Well, don’t worry, we here at The Scallion gotcha covered! I watched every single Marvel movie in order to recap you. Let’s get right to it!
- “Howard the Duck” (1986)
The first movie in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. A silly duck smokes a cigar and fights some crime. He doesn’t join the Avengers or anything, but he comes back, I swear.
- “Iron Man” (2008)
Here we meet the first Avenger. Iron Man, baby! So like, he goes to Iraq and then makes a suit of iron and shoots lasers. It’s so epic! Especially the part where he goes, “You ain’t see this in a Disney movie before,” then he shoots a big Goddamn mega laser shooter thing. In the end, some dude asks him to start the Avengers and he says yes!
- “Captain America: The First Avenger” (2011)
Fun trivia: The title of this movie has a typo. Captain America can’t be the first avenger because Iron Man came out three years earlier. Anyway, it takes place in 2020 during The Donald Trump presidency because he’s fighting these Nazis in a post-apocalyptic future that uses old tech. He goes back to the past to join the Avengers.
- “Dragon Ball Z: Battle of the Gods” (2013)
So in this movie, we’re introduced to Goku. He’s like an alien whose powers are shooting lasers (but not Iron Man lasers), and when he gets really mad, he turns blonde and gets more powerful. In this movie, he joins the tournament of the Gods. After beating all the Gods, he gets to make his own sandwich, creating the McGoku, which is a McDonald’s McChicken with Big Mac sauce. He doesn’t appear in any later movies? I think Goku becomes more relevant when the X-Men get introduced.
- “Guardians of the Galaxy” (2014)
This one was really boring. A bunch of space hooligans messing around in a spaceship. BUT halfway through the movie, you see Howard the Duck in the background. This is a subtle nod that Howard the Duck will be the main villain at the end of “WandaVision.”
- “The Simpsons” (Season 26: Episode 18 “Peeping Mom” 2015)
In this episode, Marge finds Springfield completely destroyed and turns to the Avengers and says, “Lemme join you guys. I gotta get me superpowers.” This sets up the plot for…
- “Captain America: Civil War” (2015)
Iron Man says, “We gotta let Marge Simpson join the Avengers,” but then Captain America says “Nah, that’s dumb I’m gonna go SICKO MODE.” Then Captain America starts a civil war. This is also the first appearance of your friendly neighborhood Peter Griffin from “Family Guy,” who joins the Avengers at the end of the movie.
- Avengers: Endgame (2019)
A big purple guy named Thanos comes out of NOWHERE, and he’s like “I’m gonna kill the Avengers because you guys bullied me.” Then they have a big fight, and all the heroes, like, come together. Captain America tries to fight Thanos, but he’s too weak. Then Peter Griffin comes and WACKS his axe into his chest. This is it. Thanos is dying. But he whispers into Peters’s ear, “You should have aimed for the head,” then he casts a spell, and half of the people in the world die, including some guy named Vision. The death of Vision makes his girlfriend Wanda upset, and she goes into a massive rage.
Now you guys are ready for “WandaVision,” where at the end, it’ll be revealed that the big bad guy Howard the Duck killed her boyfriend the entire time. I know this because I read the comics. So pop some popcorn and put on some “WandaVision.”