MATTHEW BAUM
Scallion Editor
Once again, the whiners that are so prevalent in the liberal media have caused a stink over something that’s harmless and even inspiring, all for the sake of cancelling conservative values in the U.S.
The beloved super-Pac People for the Corporations had planned a conservative convention in the town of East Rouche, Iowa. The event was supposed to take place in the local agricultural center, and the parent company had even provided a temporary platform that presenters could stand on and deliver speeches to the tens of adoring Republican citizens that planned to show up.
Unfortunately, the “Woke Police” called the town board and demanded that the event be canceled, probably as foreshadowing of the eventual shutdown of all conservative voices in this country.
The liberal snowflakes that worked to silence the event cited ridiculous reasons for their takeover of the convention. Some say it was because of the floor layout of the platform, which was based on an ancient Hindu symbol for peace and prosperity, has since become a “hate symbol” and a “red flag for domestic terrorism.”
If there are any red flags, they’d be the Communist flags in the sheeple’s Twitter bios, right next to their made-up pronouns. The only terrorism going on in this case is the terror that plagues good old-fashioned American families and their God-fearing lifestyles.
One millennial loser involved in the shutdown of the event, Stuart Grunt, said that the problem wasn’t with the convention, but with the so-called “implied hate speech” that is sooo bad, apparently.
“It’s fine for conservatives to rent out an Ag Hall and talk to each other, but there is an issue with talking to each other while standing in the middle of a symbol found around a lot of WWII museums,” Grunt said.
“Not all conservatives are the problem, it’s the ones in charge of decision-making, the ones who thought that designing a stage that way would be anything but a bad idea.”
Despite hearing from Grunt, as well as several thousand other hipster losers on the internet, People for the Corporations has held firm in hosting their convention.
The East Rouche Chamber of Commerce, however, has succumbed to the lily-livered cries of the liberal masses and demanded that the event not be hosted in their municipality, so it has been relocated to the parking lot outside the Hooters down the road.