BRIAN CECALA
Staff Scallywag
In the modern era, we as Americans ask ourselves, which is more important?
Being a red-blooded AMERICAN or a diaper-wearing communist?
Sometimes I look at the people and think it’s a shame how brainwashed they are. The president of the free world is a communist and a Marxist, and I bet he’s short.
After Joe Biden stole the American election, I wanted to seek out real Americans. Those who believed in hard work and having a job. Someone who believed in community and above all else, hating liberals.
This is when I met my local hero, little Debbie Dinkus.
Little Debbie is 9 years old and attends Fredonia Elementary School. Two years ago, she received the news that she was diagnosed with brain cancer — probably from listening to liberal television like “Sesame Street.”
The family is proud to announce that as of Feb. 27 she has completed her treatment and is cancer-free! This did, however, leave the family with a $54,000 debt that the family couldn’t afford.
Now Debbie could whine and cry like a Democrat but she volunteered herself to go overseas and work for a popular clothing brand named Mikie and work at one of their s̶w̶e̶a̶t̶s̶h̶o̶p̶ (Editor’s note: to avoid looking bad, please change sweatshop to “outsourced labor community”).
Before Debbie got on the plane, I asked her what inspired her brave decision. She said, “Americans deserve the right to work, and commie liberal college students don’t know anything about the real world or the free market.”
Very inspiring, Debbie! We thank you for your investment in what’s best for America and we wish you a safe flight to Vietnam.
So next time you libs think about advocating for universal healthcare, remember:
#DebbieIsDoingItTheAmericanWay
Here are some free facts about universal healthcare:
-Universal healthcare was supported by Charles Manson
-Universal healthcare is stupid
-Universal healthcare would mean the government does more stuff
-Communism is when the government does stuff
-Communism is bad
-Joe Biden is a communism
Thank you, and God bless America!