BRIAN CECALA
Staff Scallywag
Hi guys, it’s me, Brian Cecala, local hero and writer for the Scallion.
I was pawing through my fan mail recently (which I get a LOT of) and I noticed a trend.
Lots of you guys write in to give me admiration and praise for my hilarious articles and handsome body.
It has come to my attention, however, that an increasing number of you keep writing to me to say I look like Jonah Hill. If you are one of these people I ask you to CEASE this behavior immediately.
I don’t know if it’s several people or one buffoon who thinks he’s being funny, but you need to cut it out! I’m starting to get really ticked off about it.
Look at this graph I made. See we look nothing alike. So STOP. Here is another photo of me to prove I don’t look anything like Jonah Hill.
I’m Strong! Jonah Hill is not as strong as me. I would beat him in a fight so badly! Whoever keeps writing that I look Jonah Hill is just very jealous of my washboard abs and cool jeans.
Don’t get me wrong, Jonah Hill is a handsome man. But Jonah Hill is an ACTOR! Gross! So please don’t lump me in with those people. I am cool if anything please write in and tell me I look like Bulgarian Pop superstar Fiki.
Thanks, everyone for inspiring another successful and interesting article. Please continue to send your adoring fan mail. I love every single one of you.
Yours forever and always,
Brian Cecala <3