JULES HOEPTING
Design Editor
Jodee Doe was sipping on coffee on the Starbucks patio when she beheld a sight that inspired her: a squirrel perched on a bicycle while consuming bread.
The squirrel’s fascinating behavior reminded Doe of her friend, John Smith, who chose to attend Cornell University over SUNY Fredonia because Cornell had a Squirrel Watching Club. It was something Cornell was proud of; the campus tour guides made sure to mention the club because it highlighted the diversity of student interests.
As Doe watched the squirrel turn the bread around in its tiny hands, she thought about starting a squirrel watching club on Fredonia’s campus. There were plenty of resident friendly squirrels and they were a diverse bunch: grey squirrels, black squirrels, fat tailed squirrels, stubby tailed squirrels. A club promoting more diversity wouldn’t hurt.
She also thought about how the pandemic had put a damper on campus life. Clubs could not host most indoor in-person events. But watching squirrels — no, admiring squirrels; watching is too subjective — admiring squirrels could take place outside. It could be a way for students to socialize on campus in a safe way.
Doe began to jitter with excitement. She stood up and walked over to the squirrel nibbling on bread and asked the squirrel what it thought. The squirrel let her get pretty close to its body, then gave her a cautious glance and scurried up a tree.
“I wonder how much humans would have accomplished by now if we moved as fast as squirrels,” Doe thought to herself.
Since the squirrel provided no input on forming a club to admire — no, that wasn’t right either — to worship the squirrels, Doe decided to ask members of the campus what they thought about squirrels. To her surprise, the campus was divided.
Several students deemed the campus squirrels “adorable” and “cute.” Others reduced them to “rodents with bushy tails.” One student named Olivia Rokosz even told a tale about accidentally kicking a squirrel without feeling much guilt afterwards.
To quote Rokosz, “I felt its body beneath my boot.”
Luckily, the kicked squirrel left the scene unscathed.
Doe sensed her brilliant idea would come across as nutty as squirrels’ favorite snack to many people. She sighed loudly for dramatic effect as she sat down on the Rockefeller patio. A black squirrel and grey squirrel chased each other up a tree, then stopped out of confusion when they momentarily couldn’t see each other. Doe smiled and snapped a photo to preserve the moment forever. And to post it on the squirrel nook of the cat-crazed internet.
