JAY BYRON
Staff Scallywag
Lean Man Mamanda
Junior American history “not throwing away my shot” major.
“Generally speaking, they blow us all away. Wait for it — history has its eyes on you. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine.”
(Scallywag note: I threw up after speaking to him.)
Cheryl Canning
Senior secret spy major with a concentration in acting major surveillance.
“They’re pretty annoying, actually. One time, I was having a very normal conversation with a musical theatre major — which was my first mistake — and they told me why something named ‘Michael in the Bathroom’ was a masterpiece. I didn’t retain a single thing from it other than Michael, like, died or something? Good for him.”
Pâté Lapown
Freshman …ugh major
(Unfortunately, she sang the entirety of the “Chicago” score with Bob Fosse choreography, and when I asked her why she was doing this, she simply said “just because.”)