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[SATIRE] Top 6 things you can do to help Ukraine

BRIAN CECALA

Staff Scallywag 

You’re looking on the news and you’re watching TikTok when you see the horrific footage of war and death taking place in Ukraine. You feel helpless and despondent. The more you look around the more the world reminds you that we are little people with no effect to change the horrid atrocities we see around us. You feel like laying in bed all day and seeing how long you can stay there before people notice. Why get out? There’s no hope. You feel so small. There is nothing you can do that can affect the world around you. 

You exist.

You suffer.

Then you die…

But what if I told you there’s something you can do! Here’s the top six things you can do to help the Ukrainian people!

Number 1.

Add a little JPEG clipart Ukrainian flag to your Facebook profile picture! Show everyone that you stand against the brutal invasion by a fascist extremist by adding a tiny flag in the corner of a photo of you and the boys!

Number 2.

Tweet “F*** you Putin!” Everytime Putin sees one of these tweets, his will to fight dwindles. 

Number 3.

Share a tiny infographic on your Instagram story. Doesn’t matter if the information is extremely watered down and out of date. Be a real hero and share it to everyone, not just your close friends.

Number 4.

Talk about how much of a zaddy you think Zelenskyy is! Every girl you know now has a little bit of a crush on Zelenskyy 😉 

Number 5.

Don’t drink vodka this week. Come on man, read the room. 

Number 6.

Retweet everything Joe Biden tweets about Russia. Limp wrist condemnations are saving the children hiding from shellings. 

You feel so much better now! We can change the world. We can strive for peace one shitty Instagram graphic at a time 🙂

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