MATTHEW BAUM
Scallion Editor
Over spring break, while hordes of college students spent way too much money and acted recklessly in public, the FRED sign on campus was taken away, as well as some other things. We’ll cover the other things, but my main priority is the signage to our noble and respectable college grounds.
I have heard it said that the letters which signify the name of the village and our university — FRED — weren’t a necessary addition to the school grounds. Wrong! If there’s no signage at every corner to remind me of the geographic location of my college day in and out, how will I remember where I am? What if I wake up one day, fully convinced I’m back in Oxford, Ohio, land of pleasant dreams and bread-scented wind?
The FRED sign was a new addition to the campus sights and sounds, and without it, I feel an emptiness I can hardly put into words. When my parents come into town, they will have nowhere to force my little brother to stand in order to capture a good photo of him visiting his older brother! They’ll be left out to dry!
My problem lies with the fact that it’s such a new part of campus life. The FRED sign hasn’t even been around long enough to be properly taken care of and lived in. Like a new pair of shoes, additions to campus need to be broken in, which is why I have my suspicions of who took the letters.
It’s my guess that the designers and contractors of Houghton Hall are behind the theft. While students were gone, they had every opportunity to make away with the FRED sign. With the newfound favorite on-campus attraction gone, people will have no choice but to go to the shiny new building and post ridiculous photo shoots in front of it to feel anything at all! I’ve blown this case wide open. I know my convictions are true.
Also Mason Hall has been missing since the Saturday before break. And Maytum Hall has finally been turned the correct way — the way famous architect, I.M. Pei, intended it to be built — since Sunday.
My heart is broken and my thoughts go out tonight to everyone who is mourning the loss of our newest community member. And also all the other stuff that’s not here too. But mostly the sign.