JAY BYRON
Staff Scallywag
Okay, I’ll admit it. Acafest was really cool. Like, okay, sure, everyone did a good job. G Train? Can’t go wrong. However, I have some complaints. ‘Cause, like, not cool, guys. I auditioned for every single one of your little singy groups, and not a single one allowed me in. As you can imagine, I am furious.
I must tell you, I had some hard talks about this with myself after I was rejected from every single one of your groups and I know exactly why you wouldn’t let me in now. You don’t have to be ashamed, either — I know that the decision was made only after rigorous and bloodthirsty discussion. Your choice would have been made simple… It would have been so ridiculously and sadly easy if it wasn’t for how delectably good I am at blasting tunes from my body.
No, I get it. My mashup of “Tomorrow” from the hit musical/movie “Annie” and “Truth Hurts” by Lizzo was way too powerful for the likes of you. And when you didn’t ask for the arrangement afterwards, I knew you were too cowardly to do so. My time collecting these songs and putting them together was an art form no other may know of. Some may say, “It’s blasphemy, what Jay Byron did to ‘Tomorrow’ and ‘Truth Hurts!’” Well, the truth does hurt, because the truth is, I’m the best singer and music arranger on campus.
So, dear reader, you may be thinking: “Well, Jay, you sound a tad stupid. If you were the best singer on campus, wouldn’t they let you in immediately?”
That’s what I thought, too. That was until I realized… They simply can’t be taken down a peg, ever. Yes, they’re great. Probably also the best singers on campus — below me, duh. They gotta keep their high-horse BASIC a cappella stances otherwise my power will consume them and I’ll create one mass of an a cappella group that is just called “Jay Byron Tunes and Jams.”
On that note, I’ll probably “Jay Byron Tunes and Jams” my way into making another a cappella group OF MY OWN. I don’t need you, for I have my intense vocal chords and award-winning little smile.