JAY BYRON
Staff Scallywag
Hey, incoming students! You’re here because you’re pretty cool. So, I’m making this Scallion article JUST for you (not because Matt asked me to). Welcome to Horoscopes!
Aries: McEwen Hall, because everyone loves your reliability. <3
Taurus: Grissom Hall, because you’re loveable at first, but then people realize you need to shower more.
Gemini: University Commons, because you have one attribute every single person uses you for, and the rest is hit or miss.
Cancer: Williams Center, because you’re layered and people love to use all of you even if some of it sucks.
Leo: Dods Hall, because you think you’re the best, huh?
Virgo: Jewett Hall, because no one remembers you exist. 🙁
Libra: Maytum Hall, because you’re tall and mighty. Wow!
Scorpio: Mason Hall, because someone’s going to set you on fire at some point.
Sagittarius: Science Center, because you’re underappreciated and have a lot of substance. And you have a dinosaur inside of you somewhere.
Capricorn: Thompson Hall, because literally NO ONE will EVER understand you. You gotta break down some walls.
Aquarius: Rockefeller Arts Center, because everyone hates the people who love you.
Pisces: Houghton Hall, because you’ll never stop growing and getting built. Or whatever.