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[SATIRE] Halloween horoscopes

JAY BYRON
Staff Scallywag

Hi friends! Here’s another horoscopes article for you. Here’s what you should be for Halloween, since obviously now is the time to think about it.

Aries: Three Man Hill with your friends.

Taurus: Ask your friends what breed of dog you are and be that specific dog.

Gemini: Calzone from DP Dough.

Cancer: Something something politics. Make everyone cringe!

Leo: Me, Jay Byron.

Virgo: Something something religion. Make everyone guffaw! Jk. Sexy nurse or whatever.

Libra: Pun time! Make people really confused. Then, explain it to literally everyone because no one gets it. 

Scorpio: Muppet. 

Sagittarius: Avocado. 

Capricorn: Your favorite professor.

Aquarius: Just don’t do it. Be yourself. Make people mad at you. 

Pisces: Your mom. B)

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