AUNT SQUIGGLY
Revered medium and Trustee of the Lilydale Community Chamber of Commerce
Hello all! You’ve made it to the end of your semester, eh? Very good! Here is what I think you should do to bask in your achievement!
Aries: Book a private Seance Session with me, and share your successes with the wandering spirit of Teddy Roosevelt!
Libra: Buy yourself a lavender tea and a lovely blueberry scone. It can only be blueberry, or it all will have been for nothing.
Sagittarius: What are you celebrating? You’re on some pretty thin ice, aren’t you? Nose to the grindstone!
Capricorn: Steal every traffic sign in a two-block radius of your house!
Leo: Climb up to the highest roof you can find and let off an air horn! Nobody will mind, I’m sure.
Gemini: Look yourself in the mirror and start passionately kissing the glass. That’s what I call self-love.
Cancer: Skip the rest of your classes! There’s, like, two days left of the semester! Be free!
Scorpio: Throw you and your friends a little end-of-the-year party! It’ll be fun! And everyone’s gonna like your chicken wing dip more than Angela’s, so you’ve got that going for you, too.
Aquarius: Get wild! Get disruptive! Leave some of your dishes just lying around after you’re done with them, you free spirit, you.
Taurus: Buy yourself a sword! I refuse to elaborate, that’s all you should need.
Pisces: You know what? Do what Taurus is doing! Your Taurus friend would never lead you astray!
Virgo: Go to a friend’s house to celebrate the end of the semester with your pals! I wouldn’t recommend bringing your chicken wing dip, though.