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[SATIRE] Teriyaki sauce contaminates Fredonia water

MEGAN KIDBY 

Special to the Leader

In a bizarre turn of events, the Chautauqua County Health Department issued another “boil water order” to its citizens after a man was spotted pouring a packet of instant noodle teriyaki sauce into the town’s water reservoir.

Eyewitnesses say they saw the man, who has yet to be identified, sneaking around the water treatment plant in the dead of night with a backpack full of ramen noodles and beef flavored teriyaki sauce. 

Graphic by HENRY DOMST | Special to The Leader.

“I couldn’t believe my eyes,” one witness said. “He just dumped the whole package in there and ran away like a madman.” 

The incident has left residents wondering how something like this could happen while also enjoying some yummy ramen. 

“I always thought our water was pretty safe,” said one resident as he was slurping some beef broth. “But now I don’t know what to think. I mean, who even knows what other crazy stuff has been going on at that treatment plant?”

In response to the incident, the local government issued a boil water order, advising residents to boil their water before using it for drinking, cooking and brushing their teeth. 

They also announced a city wide potluck to help get rid of the ramen broth. 

Update: The suspect, now locally known as the “Noodle Man,” has been taken into custody. Sources say the suspect is a local college student who bought too many 50-cent ramen bowls and needed to dispose of them before spring break. Thankfully, campus police arrested him before he could continue his tirade by putting the teriyaki packets into the espresso machines at Starbucks. 

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