OLIVIA SYLVESTER
Special to The Leader
Last week, every Fredonia student and resident was troubled by a boil water advisory.
We couldn’t drink the water, brush our teeth with it or, worst of all, get our favorite
Starbucks drink!
Now, the people who work in the water treatment facility will tell you that this was caused by some issue in the chlorine disinfectant system… but is that
really the full story? Why was there an issue in the chlorine disinfectant system? And
Why won’t they tell us? Lucky for you all, I know the real answer.
A few days before the water messed up, these miniature ducks started to appear around campus. No one knows who put them there, and frankly, I don’t think anyone did. These mini ducks are their own entities who spawned entirely of their own volition.
A student well equipped with the craziness that is Fredonia would know to shrug this off as a regular occurrence and move on. However, these mini ducks are new here, and I suspect that they didn’t know that, in being mythical creatures in Fredonia, their actions have cosmic karmic consequences.
Fortunately, a student captured the action in question, and submitted the image
to @fredonia_core on instagram. Three of the ducks seen in the picture are white, three are blue, two are yellow and one is dead. Yep. The mini ducks have committed murder, which is in fact illegal, and karma was after them.
What is something ducks both love and need? Water.
Yep, the mythical beings that govern Fredonia decided to punish the ducks by making
the water toxic. These mythical beings were the ones who interfered with the
chlorine disinfectant system, and unlucky for us, we just happened to be in the way of
that. So that, Fredonia, is the real reason behind the boil water advisory: mini ducks,
mythical beings and murder.